Hello, everyone. Did you enjoy Admiral June Ryan? She said everything I was going to say. She's been a student for years. I'm like, really? Seriously, girlfriend? What am I supposed to do up here? I guess I have to give myself permission to be real, because I really don't know what's going to happen. All right, I'm just curious who's in the room. I don't know anything about the world of orthopedic anything. So I'd just like to know, how many of you are currently parents with kids at home? Raise your hand. And anybody have any kids 25 like me? Doesn't want to leave. What about, how many of you are kind of in your mid-career, like 40s, 45? How many of you are new? Anybody new? OK, and how many of you have been doing it a long time, like 20, 25 years? How many of you want to go on vacation? All right, let's go. The bus is right outside. We're flying to Nashville. OK, well, I ask that because I'd like to know what decades are in the room. I'm going to be 58 in a week, which I can't believe. Where's my tape? Anyway, do they do plastic surgery when you get your foot fixed? But it's interesting, as I've been delivering permission granted over the years, I look at my 30-year-olds, 30 to 38 or so, 38 to 48, 48 to 58, and I have different messages. My main message is always the same. Give yourself permission to show up, speak up, and be seen. But we do it differently. The first, in the 30s, it's like, oh, I'm so lucky. In the 40s, it's like, am I? In the 50s, it's a whole different word. It starts with an F, but it's not that one. So I just like to know who I'm dealing with. And for the men in the room, I'm going to apologize up front because I love you, and I'm not going to make fun of you. But I am going to empower the women to step up a little bit more. But if the men have anything to say, I'd love to hear it because I hear a lot from my guy friends. Like, hey, we need permission, too. Like, you do? I think it's just because women talk so much. We talk about it. Does anybody know the stat men say, I don't know, 100 words a day, women say like 5,000 or something? You can ask my husband. I'm pretty sure he knows. All right, another question for you real quick. How many of you are currently in any kind of a mastermind group? Have any kind of coaching? Anybody? OK, it's interesting. I was with a guy a couple of nights ago. I just came off of a big trip in South Carolina. I was in Charleston, and I was doing what we call breakthrough success. My business partner, Jack Canfield, and I do this four and a half day workshop, which is very intense. And there's TVs everywhere, and it tells me exactly what I'm going to say. So I'm a little out there today. But anyway, I met with this guy who is the top ankle and foot doctor. His name is Lowell Wile. Does anybody know who that is? Lowell Wile. Have you ever heard of him? Anyway, we sat at dinner, and we were talking about different things. And I didn't even ask him. I thought, I should have asked him what his problems were. But he has about 55 different offices around the states. And then I find myself here, and I went, huh. Maybe I should have been paying more attention to this man that was with me, because I could have drilled him all night long and gotten more information for all of you, but I didn't do that. So lesson for me. All right. So my promise today for all of you is to kind of give you just a little bit of a new awareness. June has already kind of done that for me with E plus or E plus O. And then also how you can make some different choices and how you can create some outcomes that might be more fun for you in the long run. And I will share some personal stories that are public. I call it the scoop behind the soup, if you're interested. All right. So let's see. How many of you are looking to expand either your business or yourself, just by a show of hands? And anybody really willing to step into a new Verizon of yourself? OK. Do your own slides next time. Does anybody want to go to that next level, like step into this new version of themselves? Just raise your hand. You can raise it high. Permission. Permission granted. This is what this is about. OK. How about just you aren't even sure what's next for you? It's kind of like, I'm kind of fried, and I don't know where I'm going to go. Anybody in that? We can all close our eyes, and you can raise your hand so nobody else sees. OK. All right, well, I want you to take the time today to think about that. Because from what I can tell, from what I know about your industry, is that all of you work really hard to make everybody's lives better. And I was looking up analogies. I don't know if any of you use chat GPT. Give me an analogy for orthopedic, the world of orthopedic. They're like architects. They plan someone's whole process in which they heal. And they make it painless, and effortless, and simple. They take care of them. I'm like, huh, when was the last time any of that did that for yourselves? Anybody? Right? Kind of scary. But it's OK. With awareness comes choice. All right. OK. We did that already. All right, so I just want to remind you before we get into this that all of our choices are going to take you closer or further from your goal. And this is all about really going forward, moving into what's next. And so every time you make a choice, whether you're on a diet, you're in the wrong lane on the freeway, you turn up your alarm and you're supposed to get up in the morning and work out, to saying yes to people when maybe you should be saying a little bit more no. I heard someone say earlier, I realize I need to give myself more time. And so I'm here to kind of push you and nudge you a little bit to grant yourself that permission to do that, and to be really mindful. Because all we have is time. And we trade our time for dollars and for our experiences. So it's important to be mindful of it. All right, the other thing is I want you to imagine the impossible to be possible. And you do have the ability to create any kind of forward-focused future. Say that five times drunk. And with awareness and attention, again, and choice, all right? Now, I know that I've studied some of the industry and I get that expenses are high, prices are up, the economy is not great. We're looking at a whole lot of different things. Again, raise your hand if you're a parent. And with kids at home, your medals are in the back of the room for the last two years of being home with kids and working, just so you know. But I say this because in the early days of chicken soup, we started Chicken's Whistle in 1989. That was when we had our big idea. And it was basically, Jack was on the road doing things like this. And I was in the office, running the office at the time. And he came back and said, hey, I think we should put all these stories in a book. Being 25, thank God, I had no opinion, which would not happen today. And I said, OK. And someone else said, you guys are crazy. You're going to ruin your careers. I quit. And he left. And we didn't really have a career. We were in schools. But he said, you're going to ruin your corporate career. I'm like, we didn't even have a corporate career. So it was kind of interesting. But anyway, we started in 1989. And we were really eager. And we were going through it and going through it. And we worked on it day and night when we could, when we weren't doing self-esteem in the classroom for teachers. And then the Gulf War hit. And then the world stopped for us, especially if you were a speaker or a coach or a trainer. It was the first. And it was cut out. People didn't want to fly. I don't know how many of you remember. But it was pretty bad. And so we got to the place where we had no money. And we had just moved into new offices. We thought we were so cool. We got this loan. And now we couldn't make the payments. And we couldn't buy toner, because toner's really expensive. Does anybody ever have to order toner? It is expensive. I had like a $5,000 toner bill. How did this happen? And so I'm calling the toner company. And I'm bartering with the landlord. And I'm doing everything I can do to just get us through this time. And so we finally got our book published in 93. But before that, when we were very unaware, we thought, oh, you just finish your book. And somebody goes and publishes it. Well, that doesn't really happen. In fact, the publisher or our agent went out and took it to every publisher that there was on the planet except one. And they all said, no, we don't want it. America doesn't like warm and fuzzy. They like blood and guts. And we're like, but that's impossible, because we've been seeing this from stage. We know people say, I want that story. I want that story. I want that story, which is why I say to everyone I know, give yourself permission to share your vision. Because by doing that, by us telling those stories, we were getting feedback. If we hadn't got that feedback ahead of time, we probably would have given up. So back to the story. We're still struggling. We're still struggling. We finally get published by a little publisher out of Florida in Deerfield Beach, Florida, who we actually knew. We actually knew him. I didn't know him. I thought I didn't know Jack knew him. But we were at a book expo. And Jack said, hey, could we just park our stuff here in your booth? We're going to go around and try to get a publisher to buy our books or buy our manuscript. He said, sure. And so we did that for three days. I was pregnant. I'd run back to the Dodge Caravan. I'd come back with backpacks for Jack and Mark and give them the books. And they would go around and go around. And by the last day, they just said, we had no luck. Our agent had given us the book back, saying, I can't sell the book. Thank god. That was a good save of 15% over a lot of years. And so we were kind of down. So Jack was walking out of the convention center on the last day. And Peter Begso, the guy that said, you can keep your stuff in our booth, he said, why don't I read it? And Jack said, well, I really want someone to like it. He said, well, if I don't read it, I don't know if I'm going to like it. And he said, OK. And he called us from the airport, saying I'm on the third story. I'm crying my eyeballs out. I want to publish the book. I never knew that story until we did a documentary a couple of years ago. But what I realized was that how often do we miss what's right in front of us? He was right there. We had shopped this book for two years. We literally stepped over him on our doorstep to go down the street, get on the bus, take it three miles, get off the bus, go another bus, and talk to people we didn't know. And so for me, that message for all of you is, when it comes to networking, be mindful. Give yourself permission to listen. Be curious. More interested than interesting. Because that can be a huge part of your network and your business. All right? Any questions so far? Are you awake? OK, good. All right. So as I was doing some of my research, I saw that it said, in the health care industry, that the Gallup poll said that only 18% of health care workers say that they feel appreciated. So that means 82% don't. And I think June might have mentioned that earlier. By a show of hands, how many of you feel like you appreciate your team? OK. If I said to you, I don't know, anybody that would raise their hand. Do I have permission to play with somebody for a minute? All right. You want to come up here for a minute? Come on up. You said yes. No. Introverts are the best speakers and trainers on the planet. I've been working with them for 35 years. OK, so how many employees do you have? OK. And how many do you work closely with? OK. And are they men, women, both? OK. Do you know their spouses? Do you know how many kids they have? Do you celebrate every one of their birthdays? No. Bad girl. The employees. Oh, yes, yes, yes. OK. All right, so you passed. So here's what I think. I'm going to give you a chance to think about it. So here's what I see often. I see that a lot of people get stuck in their heads. I'm totally guilty. No, you're going to stay here for just a minute. I'm stretching you. Permission to grow. Breathe. And what's your name? Pamela. I'm Patty. So this is great that Pamela does this. And I hope the rest of you do the same. But there's a lot of people that don't. And one of the things that I think has been happening for many of us in the last few years is we are so busy grinding away that sometimes, is it possible that we can forget some of those things? Is it possible that maybe we just are in our own heads? You can sit down now. So I want to talk about something that June talked about earlier. And before I do that, I'll just give you a little bit more about me that they didn't talk about when she introduced me, which was really sweet. When I was just my – I just had my son. He's 28. He's 28, so I was just turning 30. And I was home – actually, I had just had him. He was about two weeks old. I was home, and I was nursing my son. And my husband walked in early from work. I'm like, that's weird. What's he doing here? And he said, honey, I have good news and bad news. I'm like, all right, bad news. Your mom has breast cancer. Well, what's the good news? They caught it really early. Okay. And I had just recruited my sister, who just got her BSN in nursing, at Arizona ASU. And I had recruited her because I was pregnant, and I just had JT. I said, I really need you to come and help me read these stories. We're getting 10,000 stories a week. I don't know what to do with myself. And so she came in to help me. And when she came in, she was reading, just massive. And she said, I have an idea. Why don't we put together stories for mom? And we did chicken soup for the soul. We had a second serving, I think. We were just coming out with chicken soup for the women's soul. And she said, let's put these stories together and motivate mom throughout this whole time, this journey. And I said, why would they let us do that? We work here. Don't ever say that, people, women, men, anything. And she said, why wouldn't they let you do this? You have been here before the beginning. You've been eating Top Ramen for years. I mean, they should let you do this. I was so afraid to go into the conference room with Jack and Mark and ask to do this book. Because in my head, my response to the event was my sister said, let's do a book. My response was, why would they let us do that? Outcome, if I had bought into that, would have been I would look 105 and be really pissed off at somebody. But instead, my sister was more scary than Jack and Mark. And so we went into the conference room. And I barely choked out, like, ah, we want to do this book. And I did that. And they looked at each other and said, great idea. And I went, yeah, I know. Have you ever done that, where you're totally scared to death? And you get a yes, and you're like, holy crap, I should do this more often. And so that was the beginning for me of writing books. And I went to San Diego State. I was a valley girl. Every other word was totally. And it took me seven years to get through undergrad. And English was my worst subject. I never, ever, ever expected to write a book. But it was going through that motion and giving myself permission to ask for something like that. And I was literally going to take myself out of the game before the coach put me on the field. Has anybody ever had that experience, where maybe they say no to themselves before anybody else can? And I share that with you, because I want you to remember that if I can do something like that, so can you. I literally was the epitome of valley girl. I was kind of a train wreck, actually. And I fell into this industry by simply answering an ad in the paper that said, secretary wanted $25,000 a year. I was young. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was married to someone that I didn't like. I moved back to Los Angeles. I was living in Santa Barbara. And I had set one goal. I went to one workshop. I didn't even know what a goal was. And I set a goal. I want to make $25,000 a year by September 1989. I was working in tech in Santa Barbara. I was making $15,000 a year. I hated my bosses. They were very much women are seen and not heard. So you can imagine I was getting in trouble quite often. So I answer this ad. And I went and I meet with this guy who looks like Howdy Doody at the time. And he's like, I'm doing this self-esteem stuff. I'm like, what is that? And it turns out I didn't get the job. But then he called me a few months later and said, you know what? This gal that I hired didn't work out. I think you're supposed to come and work for me. And so I said, well, it's going to cost you $30,000. And he said, OK. I went, wow, he's nice and he's easy. This could go well for me. That was several million dollars ago. So anyway, it was Jack Canfield. And I came to work with him. And I honestly didn't know why I was doing it. I just thought I was going to follow my intuitive side today. And I had a best friend who was in the auto industry. And she's like, oh, I can pay you $200,000 a year. You can work in finance, all this crazy stuff. But I thought, I don't know why, but I'm doing this. And I wasn't into the self-help stuff. I didn't know who they were. I wasn't one of those fans that are like, oh, I wasn't into it. But I followed my intuition. And it's given me a 35-year career of total crazy. I say my memoir will be from soup to nuts and back at some point. I've been able to publish 250 books. I've worked with tens of thousands of authors. I've traveled all over the globe to talk about these things. And all because I took one seminar, I set one goal, and I followed my intuition. And so I want to encourage you as individuals, when you wake up in the morning and you have one of those inspired thoughts, or you're in the shower, and you're like, I should really do this. Does anybody ever have those? Like, they get really excited. They just had coffee. They're in the shower. Like, the sky's the limit. Anybody? Raise your hand so I know you're still awake. OK, thank you. And so I want you to remember that when you have those moments, get out of the shower. Put your clothes on, because we're all on Zoom these days. And take that action. Make that phone call. Make that connection. Call that other person. Do whatever it is that you need to do. Because I can tell you, on my end, my 9 o'clock in the morning ideas, they are bat, you know what, crazy by 3. Was I really thinking that? In fact, I often make my crazy phone calls in the morning. And then when I call back after 3, I'm almost afraid to answer. Because I think, maybe this isn't such a good idea. I almost don't have the enthusiasm to follow through. So anyway, that's a little bit more just about my journey. And I wanted to share that with you. My mom did do fine. She survived. And she went on to live another 20 years or so, and pretty happy, healthy life. So that worked out well. And it forced me into doing something I never would have done. And here's the other thing that I realized over time. And I joke with my business partner a lot. He's 78. So we've had a lot of years together to have our fights. And all that you're married, it's kind of like a marriage, right? So it's the first seven years, he's the boss. Second seven years, I'm not sure who's the boss. Third seven years, I think I'm the boss. Fourth seven years, I'm like, hey, let's just appreciate the differences and call it a day. So I don't know if you can relate to that. I'm going on my 30th anniversary, so I can. Anyway, so it's kind of interesting about the whole thing. So let me just go here for a second. OK, so I want to talk about this for a second. So is there anything that you need to do to give yourself permission to choose you, to choose yourself, to put yourself first? Not your kids, not your boss, not your patients, not the insurance companies, not the billing people, not the parking lot attendant. I don't care who it is, not the dog, nothing. Is there something that you've been wanting to do? Go to the gym, go to the spa, get a massage. Is there anything at all that you know you've been wanting, or maybe even haven't thought of, that you've been putting off or not saying yes to you? Please raise your hand if there's anything. All right, can you just write it down, whatever that is? I want you to put it on your calendar when you get home. And here's why. How many of you, just like me, if I had waited to say, if Jack had said, hey, Patty, you want to do this book on chicken soup for the surviving soul for your mom? That would not have happened. So is anybody in this audience say that is willing to be transparent? I won't call you a parrot, promise. Did I scare all of you? You look a little scared. That wants to ask for something, wants to do something, but hasn't given themselves permission. You don't have to tell me what it is. Is there just anything that anybody's thinking of that you can think of? Raise your hand if you have anything. Nothing? You're all just totally on it? This is great. Yes? OK. All right. I have a newsflash. Men are not mind readers. I learned that the hard way. You have to say exactly what you want in what form and not be mad at them because they're not a mind reader. Whether it's your husband, your boss, your son, your cousin, they're not mind readers. And if anybody finds one, will you commit to bringing them to me? Because Jack Canfield wants to study them from head to toe. OK. All right. So when June talked about this, taking responsibility, she said, how many of you want to take responsibility? Did you hear that? Did you all see June's talk this morning? Raise your hand if you didn't see it. OK. So we talked about taking responsibility and how events happen in our lives, and then we respond. We either respond with intention and choice, or we have a knee-jerk reaction. When we have a knee-jerk reaction, nothing goes well. When we have intention and choice, things tend to go well. All right? I missed this for a long time because I didn't want more responsibility. Does anybody want more responsibility? I mean, don't you feel like you have enough? Right? I'm like, are you out of your mind? And I hear this, like, you're responsible for everything. I mean, that is absolutely not true. I am not responsible for the plane that crashes into my car. I'm not buying it. Are you buying that? It's not true. You know, it threw me for a loop for a long time. But yeah, that's a hard no. But when I realized, and June talked about this earlier, I don't think I have it in here because my slides are terrible, and I apologize. We all have the ability to respond differently. So when you flip that responsibility to ability to respond, it's like, oh my god. And if I respond differently, I can pretty much manipulate anything in my world at some level. So if my husband comes home, he's in a bad mood, I'm like, OK, E plus or equals O moment. I can say, you think your week was bad. You have no idea. I've been traveling the country in late flights. Or I can say, gee, honey, tell me more. Totally different outcome. Same thing, you know, I was doing a gig last week in Charleston, 1,100 people. I'm in a studio, there's screens everywhere. And I do this really great presentation in the morning. Everyone's crying, and they're so into it. My business partner comes in, good call, or talk, or whatever, sits on his chair and goes, turn to page 47. I'm like, oh my god, what was that? It was like the train just going through a church. And so I said, do I have permission to coach him? And I asked the audience, and they were laughing because they all saw it. They're like, yes, you do. And I said, hey, Jack, you know, when somebody does a really good presentation and they introduce you like you're the rock star in the second coming of JC, you kind of act a little bit more excited. He goes, oh, jeez. And we just laughed, and we made fun of it. But like five years ago, I would have walked off that stage. I would have convinced myself that I was terrible. I would have convinced myself that he didn't want to talk to me. I must have done something wrong. I would have spun out in my own stories. Have you ever done that? I totally was making it all about me. And I'm like, jeez, I need to buy a book on narcissism or something. There's something wrong with me. Anyway, it's so liberating when you can look at those R's and go like, you know what? What if this has nothing to do with me? What if they just had a bad day? I knew he was in his head. I've known him for 35 years. That man's not going to change. And he says at the end of every YouTube video, nothing changes until you do. I'm like, holy crap. I need to listen to that more. I've got to change because he's not going to. Anyway, very funny. But it was quite a cool moment for me to think, yeah, that didn't bother me. And so I want to encourage you to use the people, not use them in that way, but take the opportunities in your life to create your own sort of science project. And just everybody's sort of a lab rat. And just notice when you change your R's, you change your life. Just notice, all right? And I could have bought in that, oh my gosh, he's such a jerk. He doesn't pay attention. But I knew, he's in his head. He's going to go on stage in front of 1,100 people. And he went to Harvard. And he has to be perfect. And you know what? That served me for 35 years. And I finally really appreciate it, because I don't ever have to worry. And so when you're working with that doctor, or you're working with that insurance company, or you're working with somebody who's not really nice, just maybe, just maybe take a minute and think, I wonder what their day was like. I wonder if they're stressed out about a surgery. I wonder if that person's kid got hurt on the playground today. Let's create some different stories to elevate you and your mindset so we don't have to make it about us. Does that sound like kind of an interesting idea? I'm going to tell you one more story on that, because I think it's really important to really hammer this home. I walked into my office one day. And my office manager, who's amazing, she was in there. And she was like ice. And so I don't know about any of you. I hate confrontation. Anybody like confrontation? I totally hate it, right? So I walk in. I'm like, yeah, OK. Well, anything you need, just let me know. And I'm in my head again. I've done something wrong. I'm busted. What did I do? And I was walking out. And right when I was about to walk out the door, I thought, wait a second. You're the boss. And I turned around. I went in. And I said, hey, is everything OK? And she said, no. And she told me a pretty horrific story about her son. And we cried together. And we bonded. And we talked for hours. And I will never forget that moment. That's one of the moments that June was talking about earlier. I will never forget that moment. And you know what I will never also forget? I almost missed that moment. For someone who's worked for me for 25 years, who's given me her life. And I was almost not there to support her. So when I talk about E plus R equals O, I take it very seriously, because I think it's so important. And we can make fun with it. But we can also really just take it to heart. Because you never know. We never know what's going to happen, right? So talked about that, and that, and that. We talked about this as well. Oh, disclaimer, everyone. Intention and choice are a new habit. They take time to embody. It took me about 20 years before I finally got it. So once you get that you can change your R and change your life, then it's like, wow. If I can really create these outcomes, a happy husband, more revenue, whatever it might be, what else can I do? Well, I don't know. Have you asked yourself lately what you want? So if I said, which, Casey, if I said, hey, Casey, what do you want? For you. Yeah. Do you mean professionally or personally? Personally. Or all of the above? All of the above. okay and so what does that look like good mom good wife and be great for the team I would get I would encourage you to get more granular so what does it look like to be a good mom you know does it look like I'm doing this this many out good good good good okay good answer have is there anybody you guys are too perfect for me I gotta go Jim take over is there anybody that hasn't taken the time for themselves to really look at what they want next like do you all have total clarity okay so here's the thing I want you to sit down I want you to go away for a couple hours and sit on a beach somewhere or go sit by a pool or wherever you live that's calm and ask yourself what do you really want because again no one else is going to ask you and it's really important especially as leaders clarity is confidence and confidence is power right we cannot walk in to our offices as leaders without clarity in fact I kind of hate the word because if I hear one more time I need clarity I'm like didn't get another job I'm kidding I don't say that sometimes I want you but honestly like we we have to hold a vision and if we're not holding a vision people know people know June mentioned earlier where's the problem the problems with the boss so it's a it's one of those things like you want that promotion or you want this thing that's bigger and then there's the other side too for at least for me I don't think we can agree but I wanted to be the best-selling author I wanted to be the speaker but the other side was crap if I do that I had to really show up all the time there's no like chillin he knows Jack can always show up I can go to the spa when they're going in stuff not anymore you know so so there's that rift to so that awareness like oh yeah I want this but it feels hard why is it hard well if I really ask myself what's it gonna take to get there and I agree with you it's all about quality I say it's like diamonds I would rather have a quality diamond than a quantity diamond and I would rather have an hour of quality time with my husband or my kids than six hours of me screaming at them because they left the toilet seat up which I used to do by the way so I would love for everybody to just say and this was done wrong I apologize somebody just write on your bathroom mirror what if 23 what a 2023 was all about me what would each of you do differently you know would you just make more time to work out would you go to your kids football game or would you what anything that you would do differently I just want to really encourage you I want to be your cheerleader will you will you fire me as your speaker and hire me as your cheerleader I'll find you okay all right so again by speaking up what I mean is using your outside voice so a lot of us can think about what we want but have you ever noticed that when you know you've won something you go to ask for it or you go to say out loud you get kind of like like you're almost gonna cry so the more that you can say out loud what you want not only will you embody it more but actually people might want to say hey I can help you wouldn't that be amazing I mean so off how many times and you you're all helping everybody else how often do you actually ask for help anybody does if you've asked for help three times in the last month raise your hand in the last six months all right so I want you to remember this if you can you can write it down my friend David Meltzer who owns a big sport he wrote they brought the movie Jerry Maguire around him he's really cool guy and he said how do you feel when you help people and this is a question for all of you because you all help people how do you feel when you help people Casey how do you feel when you get to help someone great right so but but you're not asking for help you're robbing the people around you of feeling great that's a reframe and so other people to help you as much as you're helping others okay all right so again take some time for yourself and then look at what you want do you want acknowledgement do you want inclusion do you want to raise or do you want to own your own consulting company or just want to move to Costa Rica and retire those are all okay too all right it's okay to do that if you can dream it and imagine it you can you deserve to have it and I was lucky enough I wrote some things down because I wanted to be able to say it and I didn't know if I could actually without it but I was really really lucky that I got to grow kind of grow up with Jack Canfield and market your hands and if anybody heard of market Johansson he was the other guy that was on the chicken soup books and this guy was like as big as life I mean kid you got a you know visualizing is realizing you got to believe it to see it got a fake it till you make it and you know I'm like well mark you know if this gig doesn't work out well to start a church I mean he he was he was a Bible scholar in school and he could just preach the gospel of self-help you know but you know when I was growing up I always heard oh I'll believe that when I see it and when they were saying no you've got to believe it to see it you've got to imagine it to see it those those might not mean a lot right now but when you get back to the office and things get tough I want you to believe it so you can see it I want you to know that we all have those peaks that June talked about and that we're gonna have more of those and all of you are but it doesn't mean that they have to define you it just simply means that you need to make some different choices and you need to respond differently and turn off the news anybody turn off the news in 2008 I did too much real estate I'm like I'm out TVs off so so seriously though it's it's important to think about that all right well after so once we figure out what we do want we have to think about what we don't want and what's no longer working so I was talking earlier about in my 30s so my 30s I could deal with drama and I could deal with like the crazy sister of Jack's and I could it's on camera hi Kim and and you know all the stuff that like I felt important to do those things in my 40s I started to get really really focused I want it you know as licensing dog food I was doing greeting cards I was taking the brand to levels that have never been before I was hiring the right people to do books and not the wrong people I've learned all the mistakes I was really really laser focused and I had a goal to sell the company by a certain time so I was in it and then I sold the company and I must have been my late 40s and then in my 50s I just sort of went like I don't want to do any of this and I hired a CEO and said you take it and I'm not gonna feel bad that I'm not doing it because I don't have to I've been doing this 35 years and I deserve to not have to do everything that was really really really hard I always thought that I had to do everything to make it to make myself worthy of having whatever it was I had that I was lucky and it says anybody ever felt that way oh gosh if I asked for help for that I'm gonna people are gonna think I can't handle my job or I don't have it all together it's it's it's a really not a good way to go you know it's not good for any of us in fact one of my friends got me a necklace says not sorry and doesn't matter Wow so anyway face what isn't working and I want to encourage you to make a list what no longer serves you and here's the big deal I don't know if I have it in here this is my slogan it's not against you it's for me so it's not you know no doesn't mean that I don't like you it just means that I have to like myself as much as I like you and for a lot of us that's a very difficult thing to do because we're not used to it yes yes yes and we tend to anybody do that say yes more than they should come on you guys you got it myself it seems going way down here okay all right so there's something I wanted to say to you and it's it is about when we okay so when we don't we don't look at what's no longer working one of the things that I realized as I was getting ready for this talk was that the longer I did what no longer served me the longer I could hide and stay in my comfort zone the more busy I was the less I had to look at where I wasn't where I was settling where I wasn't going for that next space where I wasn't just a little bit uncomfortable so if that hits a bell for any of you feel free to take a note on that and then the last thing I want to say and I don't know timing wise where I'm at okay so if you don't give yourself permission to put yourself first you won't have the energy to create a clear vision for your team it's just true that's fact clarity builds confidence with that comes excitement and positivity to motivate and inspire others would you agree and happy employees are not necessarily engaged as June covered earlier so it's important to look at the differentiation if you're at a gas your employees are out of gas and when your employees are out of gas your clients don't get treated well and then God knows what else happens and injuries or insurance companies or billing people you know it just stuff rolls downhill right so it's so important for all of you to put yourselves first it's okay to take time it's a very simple habit to work 50 60 hours a week the first time I ever realized I went to this thing called the strategic coach has everybody ever been to strategic coach it's a great program by the way it's out of Chicago guy named Dan Sullivan I would write it down he works with a lot of financial people a lot of health care people and he talks about free focus and buffer days and free days are where you don't do anything from 12 at night to the next midnight no nothing but just chill do what no work no stuff that you would consider like preparing just being and doing something that you love when I first went to him I was in the height of chicken soup and I went with Jack and there's a lot of partners that went together like financial partners and so like that and Dan said okay guys it was mostly men there was two women in the group which is really weird so much changed since then like how many of you have had you know 30 free days and I what is a free day you know I have two little kids I have a husband who's high maintenance I've got a business partner who thinks I'm never there I think I have a split personality because my husband says I'm not home and he says I'm not there we live around the corner so where am I really and and I had no free days so and I was probably working six days a week by this time I was lucky Jack and I were living around the corner for each other wasn't as bad as it used to be but I took a free day it was so weird I I literally too I went to my son's he had a field trip at the beach and I I'm kind of in the corner and you know I'm obviously pretty transparent right would you agree I'm in the corner like a wall for like what do these people do outside of the four walls of an office I had no idea and I felt like I was really out of my element and I was thinking I should be at work but I'm doing this free day thing I can get into it come on Patty let's get into it and my son's running along the beach he's five he's got like bright blonde hair and big blue eyes and he falls in this little puddle and he gets up he's like look mommy I saved myself all by myself I'm like oh my god I would have missed that I'm gonna do more free days today I work Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday unless I get to spend it with people like you and I don't feel guilty I don't feel guilty and I empower the women that work for me that are younger to step up and I and if they go further faster than I ever did then I've done my job because that's my job at this point although the person under the slides we're gonna have to have a little talk all right so I really want to encourage you to take action and I gave you a sheet that you all have I think if you don't have it I'll tell you what to do I want you to write down four boxes if you don't have it with you and the four boxes just like four boxes on one on one page and it says exercises what will you ask for what will you say yes to what will you say no to and what's one action that you can take today And I just want you to take a minute and think about, what are you gonna give yourself permission to ask for? And what are you gonna start saying no to? Because when you say no to those things, you're saying yes to you. You're saying yes to your family. You're saying yes to your spouse. Do you have all of them? What will you ask for? What will you say yes to? And I'm hoping that you put myself, yourself on what you say yes to. What will you say no to? And what is one action you could take today? And that might just be a phone call telling someone that you're grateful to have them in your life. It might be writing a little note, just taking that extra moment to say, I appreciate you. Hm. There it is. Who knew it's Friday? Everybody got a few? Anybody need more time? Yes? No? Maybe? Everybody good? Okay. All right. So, what I'd like to do is ask you this one question. Can you see now how we can all take a hundred percent responsibility? It feels a little bit easier to swallow now, right? Knowing that if you just change your R, you can really change everything. Good. If you go teach this, start with E plus R equals O. Don't start with 100% responsibility. They'll block you out. All right. So, the last thing I wanted to talk to you about, and I was thinking a lot about this because, again, I know you're in an industry that's tough. You're regulated. You have insurance. You have people. We've had all kinds of crazy in the last couple years. It's been a tough road, and I was thinking, like, it's all, I can't, I almost can't imagine it at some level. So, I started to think back about when we had tough times and when there were different situations, and we had a lot of ups and downs, you know, throughout the last 35 years, and we're kind of in one of those now, but I was thinking about it, and I thought, you know, if I, if my 58 year old self could say anything to you, it would be the one common thread was that we simply stayed in action. We never stopped. We had each other to lean on when the going got tough or when we thought it was impossible or we got, we're getting a no or whatever it might have been, so we leaned on each other. So, I want to encourage you to have someone, accountability partner, a coach, someone that you can lean on. It's typically not going to be your employees because if you're leading, you're lonely, you're at the top, and you almost can't be human. It's just what is, and it kind of is not great when you realize that. It's kind of sad. It's like, oh, my friends, and they're no longer my friends, but it is what it is. To really stay focused on the positive because focusing on the negative is not going to get us anywhere. We can spend 5% of our time focusing on plan B, but have it and let it go. It's not serving you. It's not serving your team. The vibration's low. It comes from a place of lack, and if the secret's really true, and like attracts like, and there's quantum physics, then let's just play it out and act as if. Every time you get a no, remember you're one step closer to getting a yes. June did that this morning when she talked about the red card. You have a red card. You have a red card. You know, here's the thing. We were working 18 hours a day. I drove an hour and a half each way to work. I lived at the 405 in California. It was brutal, but at the same time, I don't think there was one day that I did not love what I was doing. I loved it. I lived it. I would say at night, I'd be calling people at 3 in the morning. I read this story, you know, this lady, she crashes her husband's car, and she goes in the glove compartment to get out the insurance, and it says a note in case of accident, and she opens up the note, and it says, honey, if you're reading this, remember it's you I love, not the car. And I mean, just like that. My first husband's like, who are you talking to? I'm like, my friend, you weirdo. I just read the story. So, and the reason why is, like, I always felt that there was something bigger, and it's our jobs to create that feeling for our employees, for the people that walk into our office. There's something bigger. We have a vision. We have to be the light. You all are a light, and you can turn the light off real quick, like, two, three, we've all imagined it a couple times, or seen it, and I'm like, that wasn't very graceful. But you have the power, and I want you to remember that. All right, you really do. You have everything it takes, and there's nothing that you need outside of yourself to look for, to have permission, to get permission, to show up and be seen, and be there for those that are around you. You know, one of the things that I was thinking about is that we had a magical ride with chicken soup. We sold it in 2008 for a ton of money. I got a nice Rolex out of it. It was a bet. If we ever made a certain amount in one day, I was gonna get this. That was a, that was like Jack was choking on the phone. Can I just be rich for a little bit? But we had a clear vision. We had a positive mindset. We had good enrollment skills. We had a little taste of patience, and if you just do that, you can make magic, not just for you, but for your entire organization. And as you go away today, I hope you realize that I just have been really wanting to give you permission to be seen, and you deserve it, and if you want it, it's yours to be having. So I hope you enjoyed my little sermon, and I hope you all have a great Friday evening, and it was nice to see all of you.

Patty

Permission

Self-care

Empowerment

Setting boundaries

Goal setting

Taking responsibility

Positive outcomes

Support system